


-:Want you to know that you ain't alone:-

by raydiamond



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Centers a lot around Mike, Everything Is Alright, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mike's losing it, Multi, One Big Happy Family, Post-Canon Fix-It, Suicidal Thoughts, Takes place after the events of Chp 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-10-24 21:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20712743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raydiamond/pseuds/raydiamond
Summary: "It's us, yes, we're back againHere to see you through 'til the day's endAnd if the night comes and the night will comeWell at least the war is over"~¨~¨~¨~¨~¨~Song - In our bedroom after the warArtist - Stars





	1. delusions and nightmares

Bill stepped out of the car and locked the doors. The Losers had gathered together to celebrate Eddie's recovery as well as to commemorate Stanley. With It gone the Losers could finally be at peace both in heart and soul.

It was a little past seven after noon and the Losers were supposed to gather at the library. Before Bill even reached the yard, Richie was pacing towards him. After him came Eddie, who stayed to hold the door. 

"Bill, your boyfriend's a nutcase!" Richie shouted, wildly gesturing towards the library.  
"A total wacko, more so than mine!" 

"Hey! Beep beep, Richie!" Eddie struggled a cry. 

"Richie, what's wrong with Mike?" Bill asked him once in his reach and grabbed his shoulder. Richie gave a very overly dramatic gesture with his arms and opened his mouth trying to find words. He mumbled something, then said: "I dunno! He was just fine a moment ago, then he started quibbling something about It and-"  
"It-It, as in, Pennywise It?" Bill needed a confirmation. 

"Yes!" Richie shrieked.  
"That- that It, wasn't done yet- and that we weren't real-" 

The awful sound of glass shattering interrupted them. All three looked up to witness that some books had been thrown through the window in the tower above the building. 

"Mikey-" Bill mouthed and started running towards the door. Richie was close behind him. While Bill was running up the stairs, skipping every second one, Richie stayed behind to help Eddie climb. The mentioned one couldn't do such stunts yet without ripping his stitches open. 

"M-muh-Mike-" Bill stammered as he came running up the stairs to the tower.  
"Bill", Ben said and reached his arms towards him; "Mike's being delirious- it's--its not his fault-" 

Bill brushed his arms off gently and proceeded further in, closer to Mike and Beverly, who was trying to calm him down. 

Mike, standing in the corner with his arms reached out in front of him, to warn people to stay their distance, was shaking and sweating and crying uncontrollably. Beverly, as calmly as she possibly could right now, was lowered down a little to minimize the feeling of her being a threat, and she said: "Mike, please- **this** is real. Pennywise- h-he- It's dead. Mike, It is dead-" 

"How do I know!" cried out the dark skinned man, chased to the corner by his own delusions and nightmares; "How can I be sure!"  
"Mike", spoke Billy as he came right next to Bev. He reached his arm a little towards Mike, who only tried to get further away from reach.  
"Mike? What's wrong, Mike? Tell me", said Bill and touched his own chest with his other hand.  
"I'm here, tell me-" 

"You're not! None of you are-" Mike interrupted him, pointed at him and then at Beverly, then Ben. Bill felt a twisting feeling in his chest.  
"It- It's playing with my mind- making me see what I want-" sobbed the librarian while he hit his hand on his temple.  
"W-we- we didn't kill it- the ritual of Chüd-" 

"Mike we won!" Beverly tried, Bill placed his arm against her chest to sign to her that she shouldn't. Beverly stepped down and Bill moved forward.  
"We would've died- I didn't tell you that because I believed-- I believed that- if we all- believed that It'd die- then It would- and w-we wouldn't-!" Hanlon sobbed and increased the distance between him and Bill. He stumbled over some of his books and he came to his desk and the broken window. 

"Mike, look at me", Bill said calmly and placed his hands on his chest.  
"I'm real. S-sh-he's real", Bill pointed at Beverly.  
"He's real- they, are real", he pointed at Ben and then at Richie and Eddie, who had reached upstairs by now. 

"We are all real. Pennywise is gone. It's dead. We killed It. Together."

Bill managed to get closer to Mike, who still held his arms forward to keep distance. Mike sobbed, his throat felt like it was being clogged by something impenetrable. His eyes burned and as he tried to swipe tears and sweat from his face he lost his balance. Mike stumbled down on some of his books and Bill knelt on the ground some distance away from him. 

Mike climbed against the wall behind him.  
"How do I know? How do I know this is real and not some- b-bullshit It-It's making me see?!" 

"How do I know!?" Mike growled and tears rolled down his cheeks. He was shaking thoroughly and he looked very bad.  
"How do I know?" he asked again, his voice cracking. Mike grabbed his hair on the back of his neck with both hands.  
"How do I know...?"

"Mikey", Bill spoke his name softly and proceeded to crawl closer. He came in front of Mike and slowly cupped the bigger man's cheeks with his hands. Bill leaned his forehead against Mike's, his lips so close he could feel them ghosting against his own. Bill bit his lower lip, swallowed and whispered: "I'm really h-huh-here, Mike." 

"How do I know?" he sobbed.  
"You know", said he. 

Mike's eyes forced themselves shut. His tears ran along Bill's hands that held his hot cheeks and Bill felt Mike's hands grab his shoulders.

"We are all here, Mike", spoke Beverly and the knocking of her heels came closer. She wrapped her arms around the two other Losers.  
"Come on, Mikey", Eddie spoke next, his voice cracking as well. Mike felt his hands on his arm. The next one touching him was Ben. Mike didn't even need to hear him speak, he knew his touch.

"Fucking pussies", Trashmouth mumbled, but he placed his hand on Mike's neck. 

"I'm sorry", came a low weep from Mike.  
"I'm so, so sorry."


	2. letters to Stanley

"Are you okay?" Beverly asked. She and Mike kept a short distance to the other four. They were walking around Derry, going from place to place, remembering Stanley and honoring his memory. Right now they were on their way to the Club House, where their journey would end. 

"Yeah", Mike sighed; "I'm sorry. I don't... Honestly, I don't know what that was." Mike's voice was still a little unstable and he kept brushing over the wound that'd make a badass scar once it healed. Beverly took a soft hold of that arm and slipped her hand to hold Mike's. She held his arm and walked side by side with him.

"I... Was actually worried. That you hadn't yet got broken", Bev said, confusing the taller man.  
"Broken?"  
"Yes."

Beverly stopped Mike by holding his arm. Mike turned towards her to listen to her speak.   
"You've been here for so long, even after we all left, you stayed. You stayed, and kept our memories intact. Kept them safe, with you. I can't even imagine how it felt for you to hold onto those awful memories all by yourself", explained Marsh. She looked up at Mike.  
"To know that those memories, that responsibility we left you with, hadn't broken you in the last 27 years... That's so much strength."

Mike felt a sting in his heart. That wasn't completely true. He glanced at Bill, who was looking back at him. He knew exactly what was going through Mike's head. He had told him. Bill knew that Mike-

"Yeah, honestly I feel awful for leaving", spoke Eddie a little further. The rest of the group had stopped as well, and they had heard what the two had spoken.   
"We all just went our way and left you here. To watch over everything. Like a lighthouse."

"We are awfully grateful for that", said Ben and walked over to the pair. Beverly let Mike's hand go and wrapped her arms around her husband's.  
"That thing that happened back at the library- we get it. It was a- a way of letting go. All the memories and thoughts and mind games..." Ben spoke and frowned.

"To live with those things, alone, for 27 years..."  
"It'd fuck with anyone's head", Richie said and gestured with his hands that he held in his jacket pockets.  
"I don't think I could've made it", he hesitatingly admitted. 

Eddie walked over to Mike and reached his arm to Mike's shoulders.   
"We are grateful for you", he said and smiled with those big puppy eyes. Mike looked down at him and smiled gently. He wrapped an arm around Eddie and they hugged. Bill, who stood a little further with Richie, held a soft little smile on his lips. He met Mike's eyes as he and Eddie parted.

"We are here to remember Stanley", Mike pointed out and looked at his friends one after another.  
"Let's do that then", Bill spoke.

The Losers gathered down in the Club House. Each had written down a letter addressed to Stanley, a letter with a memory of him. Those of them who wanted read the letters out loud before they all put them in the metallic container which Stanley had provided in the past. For Losers only. Yeah.


	3. Real

The Losers retreated to the inn to spend the rest of the night at. They talked about their childhood memories and shared what happened in their lives after they left the first time. They celebrated Eddie's recovery with drinks and snacks and good company. Company of family. Of loved ones and new partners.

While the rest of the group kept loud conversations going on, Mike and Bill had sat down to just listen and watch. Bill was leaning against Mike, his head on the curve of Mike's neck and shoulder. They liked to be like this. In each other's presence. It was intimate, it felt safe.

Mike held his arm around Bill and softly ran his fingers along his outer arm. He was leaning his head on Bill's. 

Bill moved his head and kissed Mike's shoulder tenderly.   
"You sure you're okay?" he whispered and straightened up just enough to be able to see Mike. Mike looked at him and nodded gently, blinking his eyes tiredly and leaving them narrowed.   
"Yes. I'm sorry for startling you." 

Bill hummed and straightened up. He pressed a soft kiss on Mike's lips, who answered it just as softly. He smiled in the kiss and mouthed against Bill's lips; _I love you._

Next morning. 

Mike and Bill walked alongside each other, on their way to the inn. Tomorrow everyone would leave, leaving Bill and Mike in search of a proper apartment. They had decided to stay at Derry, for now at least. They still felt like there was unfinished business, they weren't just sure of what business it was. 

"I want to tell them", Mike whispered silently. Bill, who had pretty much already anticipated this conversation, sighed as he took a hold of Mike's hand.  
"You sure?" he asked. Mike nodded.  
"Yes. I want them to know."

"It won't make you less stronger, Mike, they don't h-ha-have to know."  
"But I _need_ them to know. For my own sake." 

Bill kissed the back of Mike's hand.   
"I'll stand by you, whatever you did."  
"Thank you, Bill." 

The Club had settled down in the large dining hall in the inn for a breakfast. There, Mike told them about a twist in his life. 

"I went down there", Mike started.   
"D-down where?" Eddie asked, confusion as well as worry growing in him.   
"Neibolt?" asked Beverly. Mike nodded.   
"I was... In a very dark place. I went down there, because... I wanted It to kill me."

"Oh my God", Eddie gasped and dipped his head down, his hands brushing his hair back. Richie sat his back straight against the chair and he stared at Mike. 

"I did break, Beverly. And had I been there the right time..." Mike spoke as he looked at Beverly, but he couldn't end his sentence. Everyone knew what he meant. Bill, who was sitting next to Mike, reached his hand on his arm.   
"But you're here. You didn't die", said Beverly and reached her arm forward to place her hand on Mike's. 

"You didn't have to tell us, Mike", Richie said silently while removing his glasses. He wiped the invisible smudge from the other lens.   
"You knew already, Bill", Ben said, or more like pointed out, and Bill nodded.   
"Yeah." 

"I'm sorry, but... I needed you all to know. I-I feel so much lighter now", Mike said and held Beverly's hand. He eyed every Loser one after another and smiled a little sadly.   
"It's in the past now", said Ben and smiled a encouraging one. Everyone agreed on that.   
"It's okay, Mike", Eddie whispered. He was sitting next to Mike, he reached his arm once again around the other man. 

Mike embraced him back. He felt once again how everyone touched him. He knew he wasn't dreaming or living an illusion. This was real.

**Author's Note:**

> Note; I have seen the mini-series, from which I took a little influence. I have not yet read the book.  
Work title lyrics from; Losers by Chosen Jacobs


End file.
